Archive for 2017

Having two different personalities in life can be very difficult for me. It may sound ridiculous but, whenever I ask my friends or even anyone on their first impression about me, they'd say: "Weird. I see your personality as somewhat weird". Though I too, see it myself that i have a different kind of personality, one that would be considered as inevitable as i mature in my day-to-day existence, it is saddening in my part as well that i have this character in me that leads to depression and despair.

I frequently think of certain things that contributes to my mood changing from happy to gloomy. I'm a prisoner of my own imagination. Sometimes, i see that there is no such significance in me while I live in this world. I have that kind of thought. Such an act continues to haunt me and there are times I sulk in one corner, or even, I isolate myself from the people around me.

My introvert side has been a negative factor to my existence. On the other hand, my extrovert side does the same.

Some say that when a person is extremely happy on the outside, in the sense that that human being laughs a lot and jokes a lot, he/she then, is sad on the inside. To be honest, my extrovert side & my way on socializing with people has been a negative factor as well, because of the fact that I think of many ways about how I'm supposed to continue living up the life these living creatures see in me, when in fact in my head I am in total misery. My ambivertness shows no good in it.

I want to take a break

from the outside world that gave me so much sadness and sorrow
I cannot hide the pain anymore
it hurts so much that sometimes
I just stare out in the open
thinking of the reasons
why I'm sad.

As I contemplate on life itself, I realized that I usually overthink of various stuff as to why in the end I always feel so depressed and in pain. Looking at the ceiling, embracing the presence of the darkness when night falls, that's when I only find the peace I've been desperately looking for. I've always been searching, seeking for the life that I wanted to have. Yet this part of me that tells me not to look for it and just cuddle in one corner, creates in me self-doubt and the essence of confidence fading continues to haunt my existence leading to a black hole of depression.

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Waves of Existence

Gathered Thoughts

My Life as an Ambivert

Travels in Retrospect: My South Korea Trip